Rajni the immortal

Rajni Kanth's CV lists his top 50 achievements as follows:

1)Rajnikanth makes onions cry
2)Rajnikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.
3)Ghosts are actually caused by Rajnikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.
4)Rajnikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.
5)Rajnikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.
6)Rajnikanth can drown a fish.
7)When Rajnikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
8)When Rajnikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajnikanth and Rajnikanth.
9)Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajnikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.
10)Rajnikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
11)Bullets dodge Rajnikanth.
12)A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajnikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
13)Rajnikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, noone fools Rajnikanth.
14)Rajnikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
15)Once a cobra bit Rajnikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
16)Rajnikanth can kill two stones with one bird.
17)Rajnikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
18)Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajnikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.
19)There is no such thing as global warming. Rajnikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.
20)Rajnikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.
21)It takes Rajnikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
22)Rajnikanth once shot down a Paki fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
23)In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajnikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.
24)Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajnikanth.
25)Rajnikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
26)With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajnikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
27)The square root of Rajnikanth is pain. Do not try to square Rajnikanth, the result is death.
28)When you say "no one's perfect", Rajnikanth takes this as a personal insult.
29)Outer space exists because its afraid to be on the same planet with Rajnikanth.
30)Rajnikanth has counted infinity--twice.
31)Rajnikanth doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
32)The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Rajnikanth kicked one of the corners off.
33)Rajnikanth once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
34)Where there is a will, there is a way. Where there is Rajnikanth, there is no other way!
35)Rajnikanth can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
36)Rajnikanth can slam a revolving door.
37)When Rajnikanth falls in water, Rajnikanth doesn't get wet. Water gets Rajnikanth.
38)Rajnikanth can divide by zero.
39)The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Rajnikanth has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
40)Rajnikanth is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
41)Rajnikanth ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
42)Rajnikanth frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
43)Rajnikanth's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
44)If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper,what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Rajnikanth
45)If you want a list of Rajnikanth's enemies, just check the extinct species list.
46)Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Rajnikanth does both legs at once.
47)Rajnikanth does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
48)There are two kinds of people in this world: 1) those who are dead 2) those who have yet to meet Rajnikanth
49)RajniKanths email Address gmail@Rajnikanth.com
50)Rajnikatn dsnt do pushups he PUSHES the earth down and then PULLS it up.

LONG LIVE RAJNI KANTH!!!